I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
