he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
