True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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