We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
