ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
