Soap is not a condiment
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
