i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
