Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize