I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
there is glitter all over my balls
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
