We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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