In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
