If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
