please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
