What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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