Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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