We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
