Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
