He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize