I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
