dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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