Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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