I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
