hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
