I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
3 2 1 whiskey
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
