Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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