New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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