Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
