No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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