I cannot find my penis.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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