Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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