I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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