i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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