Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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