Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
