He had one of those small greek statue penises
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize