My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
