You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
