Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
