Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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