My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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