if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
