Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
