At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize