it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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