I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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