Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dicks are not precious.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
