Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
