my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize