a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
