3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
