Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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