Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
