Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
