the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
