Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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