Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
