Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
