yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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