1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
