Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
