youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
