If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
