He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
