AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
