What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My vagina is very pro this idea
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
