Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
