she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
