it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
