is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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