I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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