Sry I called you an 8
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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