she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we're making bets on your personal life
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
