pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
