So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize